Explanation
by tonya-the-chicken
Summary: Such a nice summer day! Jean and company decide to go swimming. On his way, he meets Mikasa. Would he dare to talk to her?


Since childhood, Jean loved summer. This time of year his father always takes a vacation and his whole family goes to the lakes and spend time just swimming and resting. That's why he was so happy when Instructor Saudis said that they would be free from training for two weeks. He already wrote a letter to mother and was looking forward to it.

"Hey, Jean!"

Jean turned back to see Connie with Sasha. Their huge smiles indicated good news. At least, good for them.

"What?"

"There will be no training after dinner," Sasha said cheerfully, "let's go to the lake in the woods! This is gonna be fun!"

"Who said there will be no training? Bet you are just making this up to make me skip training with you."

"Well, then you lost your bet," Jean heard a soft Marco's voice behind him, "instead of afternoon training we will have a night one. The instructor said that a good soldier should be able to operate in any conditions."

"Yo, Marco comes with us!" almost in unison said Connie and Sasha. But Marco smiled a little embarrassed.

"I don't know how to swim."

"Me neither!" Sasha smiled, "where I am from the river is too shallow to swim. But Connie gonna teach me. He can teach you too!"

"Yeah, I'm definitely gonna teach you!"

"Then it's settled. We'll meet near the path through the forest after dinner, alright?"

Everyone nodded, agreeing to Marco's offer. Sasha with Connie went to the dining room, while Jean stayed a little with Marco chatting about some silly stuff.

That was a good day (or at least those who like hot weather would say so). The sun was shining, birds were singing, dinner was... Well, some things are always the same. Jean took his towel and went to the forest. Some soldiers were spending time playing some game with a ball, Reiner was trying to explain something to Armin - what a weird scene, Annie, as always, was looking suspicious, Ymir and Krista were walking together holding hands.

"Oh, I wish I could hold hands like this with M..." Jean stopped thinking. Mikasa was sitting on the bench near the path he was walking in.

"Shit, how I didn't see her earlier. Do I look good? I was staring at others like an idiot. And this towel is so stupid... Shit..."

"Stop, Jean, calm down. It's your chance! Eren isn't here. Talk to her. Impress her. Show that you are worthy."

"Shit, I am worthless garbage."

"Talk to her."

"Shit".

"Do it."

"Shit, shit, shit..."

"Jean?" Mikasa's voice woke him up from endless anxiety, "Are you alright? You suddenly stopped walking and started looking at the ground".

"Yes, I am okay!" he screamed out of embarrassment, "I just... Eh... Want to ask you something" Well, if he impressed Mikasa with something, then it's definitely with how red his face turned.

"Oh, sure. What is it?"

"It is that..." somehow all imaginary conversations with her faded away from his memory and there left only stupid pick-up lines and questions way too boring to ask...

"What... What are you planning to do during vacation?"

"I'll stay here in the barracks with Armin and Eren. We've got nowhere to go anyway," said Mikasa looking down. Jean thought that her voice sounded a little sad. Maybe, it was the wrong question to ask. What if she gonna hates him from now on? Oh, that's just stupid.

"Why have you asked me that?"

Jean's legs started trembling. Why had he asked her that? He liked Mikasa so much, that was scared of her. She was a goddess to him. Her beautiful and unique appearance, her strength, her confidence — she was a girl from Jean's dreams. But dreams like that don't come true. Or, at least, Jean thought so. Why had he asked her that question? He felt like a little scared boy scolded by his mother. She has Eren anyway... Too many thoughts. That goddamn Eren.

"Why Eren?"

"I am sorry?" Mikasa's words make him understand that he just said it out loud.

"Oh, it's nothing."

Mikasa stayed quiet for a little.

"You act strange near me. When I come into the room you start talking about some complex and sophisticated things. And you stare at me. A lot. It's really obvious, Jean."

Oh... That's how it is. His cheeks turned red yet again. It's time to say goodbye to his dreams. How will he forget that embarrassment? Why would he think that Mikasa will ever agree to be his girlfriend?

"Please, take a seat," Jean yet again was blessed to hear her kind voice. But it was probably the last conversation he would ever have with her. He did as said, avoiding her look.

"I don't want you to tell anybody about this... You are a smart guy, I think you'll understand," Mikasa made a little pause and continued, looking into nowhere, "when I was five years old, my parents were killed by criminals. They wanted to kidnap my mother and sell her at the black market because she was Asian. But something has gone wrong and they murdered her and took me instead."

Jean turned his terrified face to her.

"I am so sorry..."

"That's when I met Eren," she ignored his words, "I was in a cabin in the woods with my hands bound behind my back when he showed up and kill two out of three kidnappers with a knife".

"He what?" Jean shouted, "I am sorry, but how exactly old he was? Did he kill two men? As a child?"

Mikasa looked at him with her eyes wide open

"What shocked you so much? It`s not like it was hand-to-hand combat, he rather tricked both of them and that`s how he won".

"But killing people is just wrong! I… I could never do anything like that!"

"But if he didn`t kill them than I wouldn`t be here".

A silence stayed between them for a few minutes. Both were full of thoughts and felt like this conversation was too weird.

"So then…" Mikasa`s voice sounded like it was hard for her to talk, "the third one… showed up while Eren was uniting me and… he started chocking him… It is hard to explain but I killed him with the knife. It just was like… Everything became crystal clear to me. That this world is cruel. And then Eren gave me this scarf and I came to live with his family. That`s all happened at a day just like this. Or it was a rainy day? I don`t quite remember."

It seemed that the air became heavy. Jean was confused and kept quiet not knowing what to say.

"That`s why Eren. He is special to me. He saved me. He is my family".

"You know what," even mention of Eren made Jean angry, "It happened 6 years ago! Why you even think he cares? All the time I saw you two together he acts as you annoy him! He doesn`t appreciate you! I bet you told me this story so I could understand you and treat him better. Well, I actually feel sorry for you, but I hate Eren even more!"

"Why? He saved me".

"And what`s next? You lost your family twice and he even doesn`t care! He doesn`t treat you like family or care for you. Have he ever showed you that he knows you had it worse and stopped talking about how he hates titan for one minute?"

"Maybe it`s true, but he`s my family".

"He is a real piece of shit, that`s who he is…" Jean saw that Mikasa began to look a little upset and changed his tone, "Alright, maybe I am a little harsh but that`s because I feel so sorry for you. You deserve so much better".

"There`s nothing you can do… I just must be by Eren`s side to save him. I want to make him happy and safe".

"Well, I want to make you happy and safe! And save you!"

"Why?"

Jean started blushing while Mikasa looked at him surprised by his words. Her face looked so emotional, unlike her daily calm mask.

"Because… Heh, if I save you, you`ll leave Eren for me!"

"Don`t be stupid!"

"I`ll jump straight into titan for you!"

"You really are stupid," Mikasa turned her face away from him looking in the direction of the forest. Jean also turned his head there and remembered something.

"Shit! Marco and others must be waiting for me! I have to go. Sorry!" and before Mikasa could reply anything he was gone…

"Oh water today was wonderful!" cheerfully said Sasha, "It`s a pity you didn`t go with us…"

There was no one in the girls` barracks except Sasha and Mikasa. Everyone preferred to stay outside. It was still warm, but the sun wasn`t burning you alive and there were plenty of shadows to hide. On the contrary, buildings got warm during the day so it was colder outside than inside.

Mikasa yawned while Sasha continued wiping her hair with a towel.

"So everything went according to plan? Like, you explained to him that you love Eren…"

"What? I don`t lo-!"

"Whatever," Sasha took a piece of bread from her secret place and began to eat, "Just tell me how it went".

"Well, I told him how I met Eren and why he is special, but he got angry!"

"Told ya it wouldn`t work."

"And then he started talking about how he wants to protect me," Mikasa started giggling, "he said he`ll jump straight into titan for me!"

"Look at your smile. You sure loved these words," Sasha said smiling way too wide.

"I don`t know what you are talking about" Mikasa tried to hide her happy face, but failed. Well, it was nice to know that someone cared for you.

Sasha laughed loudly. The sun was slowly going down. Food tasted as usual. Jean was eating surprisingly quite, but still staring at Mikasa. She also was staring at him (a little). Armin was staring at both of them. Oh, he really likes to poke his nose in other people`s business, doesn`t he?


End file.
